Rahul Singh

Inherently, all humans need social validation and security. Reason why anything that gives validation and a sense of security to people is wildly successful. Instagram, Snapchat, motivational content, therapists (most of them), and an infinitely long list!

Take, for example, a team lunch with your office colleagues. It’s usually a long table which due to its very nature creates multiple smaller groups of conversations. And there’s usually one group that is the loudest/most interesting which everyone wants to be a part of but cannot. Everyone else at the table tries to pitch in something interesting to ensure their group becomes the most interesting. It’s like a game, a contest! And here are some of my observations from the typical team lunch setting.

1. The primary objective is to make folks look at their side of the table
2.  The lesser the nuance in the story and more easier to understand, the better it is.
3.  Holding attention needs constant reinvention of storytelling, people get bored pretty quickly.
4.  Loud people have an advantage, but not enough.
5.  Sitting in the center of the table is not necessarily an advantage.
6.  Expressive eyes have the largest impact.
7.  After a while, clear winners emerge, and everyone else gives up and joins the main group.

This is not just true for the described setting, but true in any social context where more than 2 people are present.

Another very common occurrence of this is when a group of friends are hanging out. There are a couple of them who are constantly sharing stories, doing the leg-pulling, etc. with whom the larger attention lies.

This is not necessarily bad. That’s how we are wired!

Even people who seem to be very quiet in a typical social setting are playing this game but at a different level. They might be seeking validation through their work, a show of wealth, funny Instagram posts, or something else. However, most people deny this. They deny that they are playing any such game but their actions show otherwise. Just that everyone is at a different level.

Starting from someone trying to get attention in a conversation and saying things just for the sake of it, to entrepreneurs trying to get on the Forbes list to billionaires doing philanthropy.

The truth is, that everyone is playing the game of attention and validation. I’m playing this game by writing this very post.

Those who realize it and are self-aware can then start playing this game at a different level where the outcomes are outsized.